While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
