Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
