Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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