five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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