were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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