is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
