but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
