Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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