don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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