When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
