i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What a dumb baby whore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
