I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
