Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
