And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
