Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
