Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
