A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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