GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
