this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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