I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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