sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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