Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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