i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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