Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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