shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
