Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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