Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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