you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
