I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
