I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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