3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
