Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
