They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
