Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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