I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
