We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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