Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
