Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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