i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm bleeding and have questions
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
