the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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