My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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