tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
