I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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