i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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