that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
