I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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