I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
