my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
