my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
