Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
