isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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