But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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