Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
